Do you ever feel like someone around you is turning into something you’re not? Not because of anything they’re deliberately doing, even. Just by being them, by being themselves, they turn you into a version of yourself you really dislike.
You feel happy when they fail
You wait for them to fall
You don’t help them when you know they need it but they don’t know they need it
You feel consumed with jealousy and insecurities about everything they do
…and there are days when you can’t see the difference between this type of craziness and a justified defense of your interests. this is when you start to wonder…have I really become this person? this person who cannot feel good about themselves without putting everybody down? this person who cannot feel happy, not for a second, without comparing that happiness with someone elses, without tearing that happiness apart with black thoughts that you don’t even recognize as your own…
So is it that person’s fault, for making you this way? Or is that person simply the trigger, the catalyst, the proverbial straw, that was needed to bring out this terrible, but ultimately true, side of you?
All I know is, I’m tired of feeling resentful and suspicious. And I run up the white flag. I can’t play these games anymore. I can’t live life as a constant competition. I freely admit it — I ‘m too weak to handle it. I’m to insecure. I have too many fragile points of my own.